Homeschool Advice: Standing Firm on Shaky Ground?

By Lauren Brenner-Katz, long-time Homeschooling Mother in Southern California.

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society which honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."

- Albert Einstein

When I first started homeschooling, the one thing that drove me crazy were the questions. Not the constant stream of questions from my children. But rather the barrage of homeschooling questions from neighbors, friends, family, and the world-at large.

If you’ve homeschooled for more than 15 minutes, you know exactly what I’m talking about. “Do you have a teaching credential?” and “How do you know when your child is at grade level?” and “What about college?” Of course, there’s every homeschooler’s favorite, “What about socialization?” And my children's personal top pick, asked more than once by schooled-peers, “Do you get a recess?”

Although these academically-oriented, schoolish questions are the easiest to answer, they always try my patience. Not because home education is lacking in this area. Far from it. But because this was not the reason I chose to homeschool. So the questions and answers in this category always seem irrelevant.

I always knew that between Laurel Springs, the Internet, our local bookstore and the Universe, my kids and I would have all the support and resources we needed.

The academic is a non-issue for me. But I’ve come to see that it’s important to educate society, as well as our kids. Taking the time to answer questions about homeschooling – even the ones I consider no-brainers – brings homeschooling one step further out of the closet. And maybe even encourages another family to try this wonderful lifestyle. So even when I’m sighing inside, I try to smile and explain patiently, once again, that learning can actually be much easier when done one-on-one at home. That my kids do a whole lot of learning by simply being involved our daily family life and in the real world. That there’s no shortage of resources and support and information out there. And so on.

These fall into the category I call the “emotional side” or “dark side” of homeschooling.

The questions range from “How can you stand being with your kids so many hours a day?” to “How do you get your children to listen to you?” to “Don’t your kids fight when they’re together all the time?” and the most frequently asked, “How do you do it????”

I used to dread these because there simply are no pat answers. What makes sense on Monday may no longer apply by Wednesday. The perfect solution in April can be totally ineffective in May. The emotional side of homeschooling isn’t neat and tidy and easily addressed. Because it’s not about homeschooling per se. It’s about human relationships. It’s about temperaments, personalities, moods, hormones, sharing, headaches, compromise, group dynamics, stomach viruses, cooperation, compassion. And more. It’s about the wonderful, terrible, every-changing murky areas where the real lessons of life take place. And so, the honest answer to almost any question in this category is simply “I DON’T KNOW.”

In my early days of homeschooling, I was too embarrassed to admit “I don’t know.” I wanted to present homeschooling in a positive light, with clear-cut solutions to every possible problem. I wanted to reassure everyone that I had it all under control. That my kids were flourishing in the home environment. That I really WAS qualified to be taking on such a monumental task.

Ha! I now know that attempting to whitewash homeschooling was a great disservice to homeschoolers everywhere. The truth is that homeschooling IS challenging. Raising children is challenging. It’s downright uncomfortable at times. But if you know that, and if you embrace that, you won’t get scared when the going gets tough.

You don’t have to be Mary Poppins with endless creativity, wit, and patience. You can be a regular, impatient, edgy woman like me, with spirited, feisty kids who have minds and ideas all their own. You can argue, you can mess up, you can fantasize about running away or sending your kids to military school. You can do all this and still love homeschooling. You can do all this and still know you are doing the best thing for your children. And for your entire family.

These days, when someone asks me, “Doesn’t it drive you crazy having your kids home all day?” I can confidently say, “Yes! Some days it sure does.” In fact, some days, my decision to homeschool defies all reason. But my original motivation to homeschool never was “reasonable.” It didn’t come from my intellect. It came from my heart. My children wanted to be home, and I wanted to be with them. The years go quickly, and I want as many moments with my children as possible. I want to be here to help them navigate the daily emotional terrain of their early lives. And to do so, I’m willing to embrace the shaky ground that’s part of the big, wide, worthwhile deal.

About the author: Lauren Brenner-Katz is the mother two Laurel Springs students who have been home educated since birth. Lauren works from home as a marketing writer and online columnist. She is married to Steve Katz, a shoe industry executive and owner of the online fashion shoe store, www.whatapair.com. The Brenner-Katz family facilitates two support groups: Westside Homeschoolers and Westside Independent Study Teens (WISTeens).